“Stop Bullying” seems to be the rallying cry these days. Bullying is in the news, and on the lips of just about everyone who has a child of school-age years. But…
Have you ever wondered, with all of the anti bullying week programs that are being offered – maybe even right there in your child’s own school – why there is still so much bullying going on? Have you ever wondered why, even though there was bullying in school when you and I were growing up, the problem seems to be much worse today than it was back then?
I know I have.
And that’s why I’ve taken it upon myself to explore these new anti-bullying programs, as well as the popular tactics being taken by parents and others who are crusading for “the bullying to stop!” I’ve also taken it upon myself to look at the problem from a different perspective altogether. Especially one that is a far cry from the popular approach today.
Now, before you take me as being too altruistic, or just another guy with an idea – a theory – about how to stop bullying, let me assure you that I have a very different reason than most of the experts out there. You see, I like many others, was bullied when I was younger.
In fact, it’s safe to say that during one point in my life, I was harassed, insulted, pushed, shoved, and beaten up, practically every day!
And, no matter what mom, dad, teachers, or whoever did, it wasn’t until I made some very significant changes in how I saw and carried my self, that things changed. Because, as I came to realize…
… “I” was half of the bullying equation!
Just like it takes fuel, heat, and oxygen to allow for fire to exist – it takes more than just a bully and his or her actions to make bullying exist. If you remove one of the elements needed, the fire goes out – and bullying goes away.
So, you don’t just need a bully, and the negative speech or actions to make bullying a reality…
It also takes a victim who is sensitive to the types of attack that the bully is using.
And, this is what is missing from most anti-bullying programs. It’s why you will never stop bullying in schools effectively. Because everyone wants to ignore one of the most important elements, and that’s the victim’s actions and characteristics that draws the bully to them.
Instead, the approach is to try to re-educate the bully. To get the bully to go against his or her own “nature.” Which, by the way, is like trying to get a the proverbial zebra to change his stripes.
Can it be done? Sure.
But, the problem is that, trying to get the bully to change takes a LOT longer than giving the victim the tools to deal with the bully effectively. And, even if you “did” reeducate “that” bully, what about all of the other ones in the world that your child is likely to run into as they grow and move out on their own?
But, instead of arming the person with usable skills that are proven to work – life-changing skills – the common approach is to take on a “bully the bully into not bullying” type of mindset. Which, by the way, is the same thing we’re teaching them to “not” do!
No. The answer to the bullying problem – the problem with most anti-bullying programs – is not in what they teach, but in what they ignore, avoid, or refuse to teach! I know. I’m proof that you can empower a person – a child – with the tools to be a stronger, more capable individual, without turning them into a fighter!
Isn’t it time your child learned how to really defend themselves against bullying in school and everywhere else, not just now, but for life? Isn’t their health, self-confidence, safety and well-being worth getting real solutions?